Reuse the Material Girl

Brooklyn Garden Day

2010-04-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today I found myself in possession of a rare free-day. I tried to pick up work, to no avail. And not that there weren't things that needed doing (there always are), but for once nothing was pressing. So when the rain that had been falling since yesterday let up in the late morning, I went to the community garden I belong to and worked for several hours.

Since the ground was wet, my first task was pulling weeds. I was dismayed to discover that bindweed has already begun attacking. I despise bind weed, and it's difficult to remove, but I tried hard. I kept at it with all the other weeds that have sprung up in the beds that line the walkway; it feels good to have done this so early. I usually wait until the battle is lost for the season.

I moved a few bulbs that were blooming in random places, and a blueberry bush someone planted last year in the shade of a large shrub, why I know not. I divided the mums, moved a sedum to be with some of its friends, and then I decided all the plants I'd moved could use a handful of compost and drink of water. So I went to the compost bin, opened the "hatch" door at the bottom, and out fell... BLACK GOLD. For anyone who has ever composted, you know exactly what I'm talking about: fine-particled, light-weight, earth-scented, black compost is magic. February's egg shells, grapefruit peels and baguette-ends have transformed themselves into perfection, a gift that keeps on giving. And with so little effort on my part!

There were a few un-decomposed dry leaves on top of the pile, which I removed before I began shoveling out the good stuff. The compost was light to the touch but surprisingly heavy when loaded onto the upside down metal trash can lid I used to transport it to the beds-- the only thing I could find that was shallow enough to fit under the compost bin door. I dumped load after load and spread it around. There was enough to cover the entire length of the beds, and there is just a bit left over. I don't yet know what I'll use it for, but I will do so judiciously. Until I build a new compost pile at the garden and let it rot down (though I prefer to say "work it's magic"), there will be no more. Sigh...

I returned to the apartment with a back-ache and a fist-full of parsley and sage for tonight's dinner. The sprigs that I didn't use, I placed in a small brown glass bottle-- "flowers" for our table. As we ate, I looked at them and said to my husband, "There are few things in life as satisfying as fresh herbs... to look at, cook with, and eat." Just now, I rubbed a sage leaf between my thumb and fingers, then brought my hand to my nose and inhaled. Ah, perfection! Herbs are perfection; compost is perfection; bind weed is HELL!!!

Springtime in the Rockies

2010-04-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a visit west to see my mother. I'm pleased to report she's doing remarkably well on her own, to my surprise and despite my previous doubt. She's cooking meals, setting the trash out for collection, changing the linens on her bed (even turning her own mattress, except that it pinned her against the wall in the small alcove where her bed is, and she called me from the other room to help). As I shared with my husband each accomplishment he simply said, "I knew all along she could do more than we thought. I knew she'd be okay." He was almost alone in his confidence, as the rest of our family saw her her disinterest in cooking and eating, her panic at taking care of the house, her inabililty to complete tasks without help, as signs that she would soon need to move in with one of us. That was a scary proposition for her as well as us-- our homes are filled with teenagers, dogs, crazy schedules, etc. She doesn't drive, doesn't socialize readily, and is used to the pampering my father gave her. So I was glad to realize she's actually okay on her own. She can take care of herself and things, and she's doing it. There may come a time when we need to re-think the arrangement, but for now she's best off where she has control over her daily life, where she has lots of responsibilities to fill her hours, and where she thrives in the beautiful home she created for our family over the past 40 years.

Before the snow that greeted us Thursday morning, we had two beautiful days to work in the yard. Alas, we didn't get to plant out my dad's garden-- it's still too early. But my mom has plans to fill it with herbs and has space for almost every type. We did buy some annuals to fill pots soon, but mostly we worked on finishing the big spring clean a yard requires after months buried under snow. I cleared out the beds and raked the lawn, my mom helped me bag, she worked over the roses. We both picked up poop-- dog, deer, and (ugh) racoon. We pondered on the deer poop-- so much of it!-- yet she didn't see them in the yard at all, all winter. They had to have jumped the fence (or known how to open the gate) to get in, and they must have stayed a while. We reminisced about the photos my husband e-mailed last summer while I was visiting her and my dad, of the morning he found a fawn all by itself in our yard. It's fun when nature comes close to home, except for racoons, and of course skunks.

We tried working on a project she's had in progress for some time: a folding screen to cover the solarium doors when the sun beats in the late afternoon. My dad had built the panels and mortised them for hinges, but the hinges we had were too big. Plus, my mom has misplaced the rods for the curtains that go in each panel. We'll finish the screen next visit... meantime, I need to examine a folding screen of my own for construction hints, need to learn to mortise so I can fit in the hinges, and my mom needs to find the rods. When she comes across them, I said, "Just put them on the panels," -- my Dad had already attached the hardware for them. As we tried to troubleshoot problems-- we really wanted to finish the screen!-- I kept thinking, "If only we could call Dad and ask him..." There was nothing he could not do, or wouldn't learn if he didn't.

Back home in New York, there are seeds to be sown, weeds to pull, curtains of my own to finish sewing. Not to mention getting back to real sewing, and Menina. There are always so many things I want to do-- my husband says, "Just pick one and do it, or do them all and stop complaining!"-- but I seem plagued by ADD. And writing, I want to be writing. I recently picked up a book, Standing At Water's Edge by Anne Paris, about moving past fear and blocks to creativity. It absolutely seems to address a major problem of mine, but don't you know I've not yet started reading it, and indeed have three other books mid-read at the moment. And I picked up three more from the library yesterday. And, except for two, none of the books are even on the same subject. Hello, ADD!

So, while I sit here blogging (and being distracted by trying to sort out my work schedule for the month of May) there are seeds to be sown, and soon dinner to be made. And there is no clear thread to anything I've done or thought about today.

Another Change of Seasons

2010-04-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

I think I was wrong. Spring could not possibly be more difficult than the winter was. Especially with a day like today, a freak heat-wave that will take us to temperatures in the high 80's by afternoon. Gid-on-ya.

In fact, spring so far has been wonderful. Before the advent of the season, I started seeds in trays, placed in front of the window of our apartment that gets the best light, close to a radiator. Almost everything has come up beautifully; what hasn't, I'm working with patiently. I should have a lot to plant out when the time comes, including for a cutting bed, my new, hair-brained gardening adventure. I'm sure my vision is more grand than reality will be, but I'll let you know.

We've had some beautiful days the past few weeks for working out in the yard at our home Upstate. I've been cleaning up from the winter and prepping to plant. Yesterday I was perhaps over-confident in putting out several kinds of seed, right in the soil. The day was so lovely, I couldn't resist. My husband has been prepping for another fence-build this summer. Should be his last, completing the enclosure of our yard with fence that isn't either a) falling down b) taken over by trees (they are actually growing around chain link and posts in places) or c) non-existent. He's done a beautiful job so far and is looking forward to his reward when done: a puppy.

So yes, spring has been pretty great. Which is a relief, because one day after my previous post, on a bitterly cold winter morning, I received some terrible news. Suffice it to say, that change of seasons I was feeling coming on? Yeah, it high-tailed it for someone else's life and I was knocked down-- kept down-- for a while. My husband was also knocked down, but was wonderful to me through the pain we both experienced. The winter wore on, depressingly cold and gray and empty. In February, we took a much-needed vacation to the Southern Hemisphere and felt better while we were there. But our return home brought more-of-the-same, until... the annual miracle of spring.

I'll be visiting my mom later this month. I'll see if we can plant out Dad's garden. It's still one of the best ways I can think of to honor his memory, and I'm determined to help the Earth bring something, almost anything, to life...

Change of Seasons

2010-01-26T06:52:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted... so much has happened and changed in my life; I've not known how to address any of it in this forum, nor have I been certain addressing it here would be appropriate. But as time moves on, I feel compelled to do so.

On Father's Day I wrote about my dad's garden, along with a cryptic statement that "this season might be his most precious harvest." What I meant is that I knew it would be his last.

Dad was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia in mid-June and made a valiant attempt at treatment during the next two months. But when he grew too tired, and when it was clear the treatment was not helping, he chose Hospice care. Our family supported him, and did our part to care for him, day and night for the next 17 days. He passed away at home on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in September.

All summer, his garden flourished, continuing for about a month after he died, until a hard frost came. Throughout the season we harvested lettuce and chard, and by August we were enjoying grapefruit-sized tomatoes, spicy onions, a plethora of zucchini, and sweet, crunchy cucumbers. The four square bed he built is now buried under three feet of snow, the soil mellowing and readying again for spring. I hope my mother will want to put out a few seeds and plants when the time comes. She too, loves to garden, though her focus is on the ornamental side. I hope she might find re-planting Dad's garden a fitting tribute and memorial to him.

During the months since Dad's death, I've contemplated life, its seasons and its cycles, and I've asked a lot of questions of the Universe. I've received no earth-shattering answers, but I am filled with a greater sense of wonder for life, and a deepening gratitude to be a participant. I miss my Dad deeply; I think of him as I look around my house and see all the projects he completed while visiting in May. I think spring will be the most difficult phase of mourning his loss, because the season is a renewal of life and for the first time in 80 years he will not be here to take part in that renewal, to refresh the plot of earth he was steward over, to plant a garden again.

I'll carry on the tradition in his stead, as best I'm able.

Who is Reuse the Material Girl?

2009-06-30T07:54:00.001-07:00

You may (or may not) have wondered what my blogging moniker means. An explanation, then an accompanying story.

Since I was a girl I've been obsessed with waste (rather, with not wasting). I've always shut off lights when not in use, and saved tin foil for another go-around. Friends tease that I keep every scrap of left-over food, but I'm proud to say I find delicious ways to reuse it. Also since I was a girl, I've loved fabrics and textiles and I've amassed quite a collection that I now use to make items for home, apparel, and my nascent children's clothing design business, Menina Vintage.

Which is why a girlfriend recently asked me to re-make part of her wedding dress into a Christening gown for her infant son. I was honored to be asked, excited by the challenge, and added to it by offering to make a "post-christening party" outfit using some of her husband's dress shirts. I had roughly a month to get the projects done, two weeks of which were swallowed by travel and work, another week which was swallowed by distress after learning of my father's illness, and simultaneous house guests. That left one week, sandwiched in the middle, to make the Christening gown. When it was done I was pleased and relieved and when my friend received it, she was thrilled. As for the post-baptism outfit: due to the extenuating circumstances I just explained, the "bulk" of it had to be sewn the day of the event, this past Sunday. Here's the story:

I got back Saturday night from a trip west to visit my father. I rushed (ha! in NYC traffic, one never "rushes") to Staten Island to the only Joann's Fabrics store in the city, the only place still open at 8pm on a Saturday, to purchase items needed to finish the outfit. Got up Sunday morning and worked like one of the shoemaker's elves to finish it in time to leave for the shin-dig at 1pm. Oh, and a bit of background: I'd tried to find the needed items while visiting my father, Wal Mart being the only place to try, but no luck. Hence the trip to Staten Island. Also this: my husband HATES IT when I do things at the last minute (and frankly so do I though I never change). But with the craziness of the week, there wasn't much way around Sunday's sewing frenzy. My husband knew that, but I could still feel steam coming from him, just a bit, because he is ALWAYS prepared and I never am. I call him a Boy Scout (you know the motto: Be Prepared) and it makes him mad.

So Sunday: I'm down to the wire, hand sewing the snap-tape at the crotch of the outfit instead of using a zipper foot because the accessories for my sewing machine are somehow conveniently at my home Upstate. Then I realize: No zipper foot... no button hole attachment, either. Shit. And no time to make button holes by hand. Desperate to make the outfit as presentable as possible, I wash it in the sink, press it, and sew buttons to the front as decoration-- attaching safety pins for closure-- as my husband navigates the traffic of Brooklyn, Manhattan, and New Jersey to get us to the Christening on time. NOT. We're 30 minutes late, but this ceremony is thankfully like Mormon baptisms in Utah-- LOTS of kids to be dipped-- so we don't miss everything. Afterward, my friend is thrilled to see my husband and I (because of on-call status with my job, I never told her if we were coming; even I didn't know). I tell her I have the other outfit in the car, she says "GREAT! Bring it to the house and we'll change him there."

Fast forward one hour: photo ops with the baby in his christening gown (which was beautiful, if I do say so myself) now over, my friend takes him upstairs to change and returns with him wearing... some Madras plaid shorts outfit... NOT MY OUTFIT!!! She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I was worried the pins would poke him, so I put this on instead." Me: "Of course. Sure. Yeah." Stunned, I backed away quietly, wondering: Does she not realize that for DECADES people put their kids in diapers fastened with safety pins, and while there was the occasional opening of a pin and resulting wail from the baby, NO ONE EVER DIED FROM IT?!? Give the baby to me! I'll get him in that outfit without a single pin-mishap if it's the last thing I do!

No, actually, my reaction was much calmer. In fact, I'd predicted to my husband before we left our apartment: "Wouldn't it be funny if [my friend] bought the baby a special outfit to wear today because she doesn't know we're coming?" At the time I was near tears, not really thinking it would be funny, but in the end, it kind of was. So when it happened, I laughed. And when I explained to my husband why the baby wasn't wearing the outfit I'd nearly had a nervous breakdown finishing, he just shook his head. But I know what he was really thinking... NEXT TIME BE PREPARED!

You Can Pick Your Friends...

2009-06-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

You know the rest of that old saying.

Neither do most of us, excepting the cases of arranged marriages, pick our in-law families. But when a brother does you a solid and chooses the most amazing woman on the planet to be his wife, thereby becoming your sister-in-law, you wonder what possessed her to settle for a schmuck like him. From a family like yours.

My oldest brother did such a solid twenty-five years ago. I remember the day I met her, his then-girlfriend, at a baseball game he was playing at the college he attended in her home town. She was glamorous beyond description to this then-thirteen-year-old, her hair cut short and wearing an outfit I can't quite picture but I think was red and white; capri pants, wide belt, matching pumps. She was funny; she asked me a lot about myself; then she invited me along with her friends to the Malt Shoppe for Oreo shakes and picadillies (like tater-tots). I swooned. I was smitten. If I ever was so inclined, I'd have married her myself.

Since then my sister-in-law, whose name describes her perfectly and is a synonym for happy, has become one of my most cherished friends. Sadly, we live 2,000 miles apart and because we are both ridiculously busy, we talk on the phone maybe five times a year, and see each other a fifth as often, if we're lucky. But we are also both (usually) self-contained and not "needy," though I know she is there for me, always, when I need.

The past two days I have. I have needed her professional knowledge and reality-check (she is a nurse); I've needed her understanding regarding feelings I've been experiencing that are out of control and about to break me in two. I've needed her sense of humor, her ability to laugh at my inappropriate use of language, her willingness to be a cohort in a crime I've considered, (but which would send both of us to The Big House though I don't mean the stadium in Michigan). I've needed (and frankly, loved) her sick jokes about how we'd carry on after the deed.

But what I've relied on most is that she gets it. Do you know someone like that? Someone who has so much compassion they've already put on your shoes? And while they don't judge you, they offer constructive criticism in a manner you accept, like manna: grateful, humble. Grateful.

So while I work through the new universe I feel I'm inhabiting, I reach out with thankfulness for the actual solid my sister-in-law is for me now. I guess I'm going to have to tell my brother how awesome he is for nabbing her, tell him he could do like the model/actress Angie Harmon who, walking down the aisle after marrying football player/dreamboat Jason Sehorn, threw a fist in the air and yelled: "SCORE!!!"

Dad's Garden

2009-06-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

This spring, my Dad planted a vegetable garden. His first in years, as my Mom's healthy flower obsession has kept him busy re-working beds, building arbors and benches, and ever perfecting the lawn that ties their yard-- on a boulevard of historic homes-- together.

So in April, when Mom attended a day of workshops and brought home pamphlets and plans for building a "four square" garden, Dad was inspired. The concept is to build a raised garden bed, four feet by four feet and then divide the box into a grid of one-foot squares, planting each with a different "crop." The heavy planting shades the soil, lessening weeds and increasing yield.

In two days, Dad built the box from materials he had "lying around," positioning the garden box in a sunny spot behind Mom's roses. Then he shopped: for tomatoes, peppers, squash and the like he bought established plants; for chard, lettuce, spinach and such he bought seed by weight at a local hardware store. As he told me about that experience, we had a smile and reminiscence of his farm-boy days in Nebraska.

There was a time more than two decades ago when a large portion of my family's yard was dedicated to a vegetable garden. It was probably twenty feet square and had a round wire-enclosed compost pile in the center that Dad built. I don't remember much of what was grown in the garden, though worm-infested broccoli is unforgettable. I did no work in the garden and was bothered by the smell from the compost. Too many grass clippings and not enough "brown" in the mix created a rotting stench that wafted around my friends and I as we jumped on the trampoline. Hm, funny, but until just now I'd also forgotten about the trampoline.

Somehow Mom convinced Dad to plant over the garden plot with grass; he obliged, saying that anyway, not enough sun shone through the trees for a garden to grow. Gardens are also lots of work, and while Dad is the last man on earth to ever shirk labor, perhaps he didn't want to be "bothered" with it any longer.

So I was absolutely thrilled when Dad announced his plan to start a garden this spring, and I was slightly (secretly) satisfied that he was reclaiming a small portion of the yard as his own. Mom even acquiesced, though her dream for years has been to have Dad build a "little house" behind the rose garden, where she could sit and read and sip tea. On the phone she told me, "Dad maybe has forgotten about my little house, but I'm not going to say anything. It's probably too late for a project like that to happen, and besides, he's getting such a kick out of his little garden, I don't want to disturb him." If only smiles were visible over landlines...

Dad's garden grows. The chard and lettuce are ready; tomatoes and peppers are well-formed. But sadly, for the past week he's been unable to tend it, as he's been in the hospital. There is more to share on that, but for this Father's Day I want only to write of the reality of his garden, and what it means to plant, nurture, hope, and wait for a harvest. Dad has reaped well for seventy-eight years, but perhaps this season will be his most precious harvest.

Old Friends

2009-05-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

Slowly I will get around to addressing the topics I said I'd like to explore when starting this blog. Today is the advent of Aging Parents. Mine just completed a ten-day visit, oh my. I now know two things more than ever: I will never stop being "their little girl" and the role of care-taker has begun is bittersweet pendulum swing.

It's funny to be reprimanded at almost-forty for "not having anything on my feet" (Mom) and it's difficult to loose arguments about who will fill the tank with gas (Dad). It's worse to answer the same questions posed over and over (Mom) and sad to watch the labored ascent and decent of stairs (Dad). It's worst of all to listen to (Dad again) shallow breathing and habitual lip-licking, to notice the way he softly smooths the wrinkles in his jeans with just his fingertips. He's not aware he's doing any of this, but I am aware they are signs of quirks-to-come, evidence of the loosening of a grip by this man, once Herculean in body and mind.

When bidding farewell to aging parents it's necessary to push away thoughts of "this could be the last time..." so one doesn't break down entirely. But what does one do when presented with the tears in a father's eyes, knowing he shares the same worry of finality? A first reaction is to comfort, to say, "There, there... don't cry. It'll be okay." A next reaction is to gently meet his gaze and convey all the love possible through one's eyes, actually making it okay. It's what one does to comfort a friend.

... and I can say without equivocation: my parents are two of my dearest, most trusted friends. For that I am thankful.

Montebello Rant

2009-05-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

The husband of a friend forwarded me an inciting e-mail with photos about kids at a California High School raising a Mexican flag over an upside-down American flag. I jumped to the conclusion that someone was sending this out (not my friend's husband, originally) as another way for Americans to get upset with Mexicans over issues like immigration and (currently) disease. I responded, via "Reply All" again... you think I'd have learned my lesson since the last trouble, but this e-mail contained the exposed names and addresses of everyone it had been sent to, so I figured, eh, they must fair game...

In my reply I said, "Anyone ever heard of Cinco de Mayo? I'll bet half a million bucks that's all these 'protestors' were celebrating."

Turns out I was wrong. I heard back from several people on the e-mail who told me that the photos were from a protest that really did take place, in 2006 during the heat of the immigration debate in Congress that spring. I will "stand corrected" via one more "Reply All" and if anyone wants to know more they can read here regarding my thoughts (which haven't changed much) about this e-mail and others like it:

My "Offical" Statement (that's kind of fun to say)
I stand corrected. I had assumed, with all the craziness due to the H1N1 flu virus (and the fact that today is Cinco de Mayo), this was just one more thing trying to fill people with fear.

Demonstrations and protests are freedom of speech, allowable under the Constitution. We might not always agree with the way others demonstrate, but preserving it as a right outweighs being upset over the symbol of our flag.

My personal stance on immigration, in a nutshell: More needs to be done to expedite the arrival of those trying to immigrate to the US legally. More needs to be done to send offenders home. I too, would like to see "immigration laws that actually mean something." But I try to see the issue from many sides, and my life experience helps. In my line of work I have "been party to" the deportation of illegal immigrants who got caught. I have witnessed their regret and remorse, especially that of one young man who was caught the same day came to the US from the Dominican Republic, having paid $2000 that morning at the airport in the D.R. for documents that were supposed to grant his entry, but were suspicious to Immigration Officials so they took him aside for questioning. How do I know? On the flight back to the D.R. I read the transcript of his interview with Immigration. I cringed at his answers to their questions, "What color are the taxi's in NYC?" "Green and white," he responded. "How big is your yard in the city?" "About as big as this room," he said. On the flight he sat in the back looking as sorry as anyone I'd ever seen. Imagine how long he had worked and saved in the D.R. to get that $2000? Doesn't mean he was justified in coming illegally to the US, it just means he was that determined to try.

I have other direct exposure to immigrants, (but I don't think I've been infected by them, yet, ha ha). Two of my best friends are immigrants to this country and are now citizens. Another close friend came legally to the US and is married to an American. It is taking years (3 to-date) to cut through red tape to bring her young son from her home country. In my day-to-day living I see a lot of immigrants (likely illegal) who are working hard. I'm grateful for the services they provide: running my laundromat, trimming my trees, delivering take-out food to my home-bound neighbor. How many of us have eaten the fruit picked by illegal immigrants? Or the meat they processed? How many of our homes were built in part by illegal immigrants? How many of us have hired them to care for our lawns? Or our children? Or clean our homes? America has come to rely on immigrants, in part because we (especially our teenagers) are too spoiled to do the jobs illegal immigrants now thankfully take.

In the original e-mail that was sent, I take note of the "highlighting" of the word English and the talk of "battle for our secure borders and immigration laws that actually mean something" and I understand that those words are meant to divide and incite. The words "You will no longer have a nation to call your own nor anything you have worked for" is meant to instill fear.

I don't take the bait.

America is simply trying to clear another hurdle towards creating "a more perfect Union" and the Southern Border is the current (note: not final) frontier.

What Happened to April?

2009-05-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

Gardening is what happened.

When I began this blog, I wanted to cover a realm of subjects, from politics to travel, to cultures, to creativity... But my writing has been rather issues-heavy. I suppose that's because when I feel I have something to say on an issue, I let it out here.

I have just as much to say about some other goings-on in my life, like gardening, but that one tires me out so that I don't even attempt to write. That's what happened to April.

It was a work-filled month; I worked extra hours at my main job, several days at my second job, and countless hours in the garden. I belong to a community garden in Brooklyn that has beautiful bones but has been a bit neglected over the years. I learn as I do while working in it, and my big project for April was moving most of the perennials and digging up all of the bulbs after the flowers were spent, to then bury in a trench till it's time to plant them back in the beds in the fall, hopefully in a more "thought out" manner and adding in another color or two. All month I've felt like I have a bulging disk in my back (I likely do) and I dread the thought of all the work that is still to come...

Because now, for the next week or so, I'll be working in my garden Upstate. It's in a worse neglected state than the Brooklyn garden, and there are no bones here to work with (no treasures like a lovely old hydrangea or mysterious perennial to divide and replant). Oh, there are a few lily-of-the-valley about to bloom in the back yard, that somehow wandered over from my next door neighbor's. And there are six sickly boxwoods in the front, which turned a terrible yellow over the winter till I researched and found they needed nitrogen. I doused them good two weeks ago; let's hope it helps.

I'll soon post photos: first will be "befores" and later "afters" so I can monitor the progress of each garden. I'm learning, via this broken-down back of mine, that gardening is a labor of love. And it can swallow months whole.

The Worst Phone Message Ever

2009-03-21T06:13:00.001-07:00

Last night my husband and I got home late. Hurrying to settle in before having a bite of dinner and heading to bed, I checked the messages on our answering machine. The first one unsettled me completely. A doctor said in a grave voice; "Hi. This is Dr. Daniels at Mountain View. I've reviewed the results of the cytology and I'm afraid it's what we were worried about. It's a lymphoma. So, uh, maybe call in; think about what you'll want to do."

I was incredulous. What kind of doctor leaves a message on an answering machine about cancer?!? He sounded nice enough, a decent bed-side manner came across in his tone. But this is not the type of news I wanted to hear on the gravely recording of our digital handset, even if the message was not for my husband or I.

Quite often, we get calls for a Mr. or Mrs. Roberts; we tell the caller they have the wrong number (or at least, wrong answerer) and they are perplexed. "But it's on our files..." "I got it from the phone book..." "I've used it for them before..." We apologize but have no further explanation. Routinely, calmly, we turn away telemarketers with the words, "No one named Roberts lives here. I'm sorry," and we hang up guilt-free.

But a doctor leaving notice on the answering machine of a cancer diagnosis? This was insane. My husband hadn't heard the message; I relayed it to him and ranted; he just shook his head. Later, as we readied for bed, I replayed it for him.

"What's that he said?" my husband asked. "The results for... Doodles? Uh, I don't think that's a person's name." He chuckled a bit.

I played the message again. Ah... the results of Noodles' cytology. Doodles, Noodles. Certainly not (hopefully not) a human name. Likely a cat or a dog. Phew. Dr. Daniels wasn't the sadist I'd imagined; he wasn't hiding behind technology to perform this most crucial element of his work. Mr. or Mrs. Roberts wasn't going to receive word of their own diagnosis in such an insensitive manner. Then again, Mr. or Mrs. Roberts wasn't going to receive word of their beloved pet's diagnosis at all. The message had been left on our machine. Unless I tracked down this Dr. Daniels at Mountain View (he didn't leave a call-back number) and alerted him of his error, Noodles'/Doodles' family wouldn't know of their his demise until...?

Truly, the worst phone message ever.

Incommunicado

2009-03-01T15:49:00.001-08:00

At least, that's how I feel...

I took the bait. I responded to the last e-mail from the fan of Barry Loudermilk, wondering all the while how he got involved in this. I thought a lot about my response, wanting to keep it simple but straightforward. I said, "How so? Please understand that what I'm about to write I do not intend to have a snarky tone. I really want to communicate with you about this. What do you see as my point? Because your e-mails lead me to believe you might not have understood it from the start."

Nothing, nada, no response. I think she is reluctant to take my bait, though in no way was I bating her. I just want an answer to the question.

Meanwhile, the other two family members, upset with me over my response to Catching Wild Pigs, are also not speaking to me. One e-mailed for another day or so, but our communication wasn't very productive. The other-- the most important person in this entire scenario of regrettable responses to e-mails-- she's not returning my phone calls. I am truly despondent.

Add to this: it seems the past few days, every time I try to express a few simple words or thoughts to my husband, I'm taken wrong. Last night it got so bad I gave up trying to say anything at all for hours. He kept asking, "Are you still mad at me?" when I wasn't mad at him to begin with. I was just over trying to communicate with anyone, for any reason.

Hence, I'm incommunicado, or at least my own definition of what that means. I do feel alone; I do feel I'm incapable relating to the outside world. Speaking words is failing; writing words is disastrous. And for me-- a girl who's always been desperate to be properly understood-- this is a real trial. But I'm sorting things out inside my mind and heart. These experiences are tough but are providing real learning and growing opportunities.

Being Bated (sucks)

2009-02-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

Ah, geeze... I can't seem to avoid trouble these days.

At the same time the "Catching Wild Pigs" e-mail hit my box, so did another ridiculous piece. This one contained supposed quotes that John Howard, Prime Minister of Australia made "on Wednesday." Well. Knowing John Howard wasn't PM any Wednesday in the relative viscinity of now, I decided to investigate this piece further. What I discovered is it contains actual parts of an article written by Barry Loudermilk, State Representative of Georgia. You'll find it here. I typed an e-mail response to address the fact that John Howard did not say these things; they were actually said by "a retired US Air Force veteran" and sent it out.

I heard back from only one person, who wanted to know more about the veteran. I sent a link to his website and said, "Hope this helps." I also mentioned I remembered reading an e-mail years ago that sounded like the one now being credited to John Howard; that was another reason I decided to check it out. She and I agreed there is a lot of litter on the internet, so I thought we were on the same page.

We weren't. She wrote back saying (and I paraphrase), "I've gone to Barry Loudermilk's website, I've read his articles. I agree with him 100%. I guess the person who sent you that old e-mail had bad information, but Barry Loudermilk does not."

Big sigh, as I noted that we were not communicating successfully. I responded to her again saying no, actually the current e-mail crediting these words to John Howard is the "bad information." I was just trying to dispell a rumor. She answered, "Maybe so, but for you to pass on the confusion contradicts your very point." Argh.

Here's the sub-context (in case you're not sensing it): this person and I do not agree politically. We know we don't agree though we've never discussed it. When we see each other in person we are cordial. In truth, this is a person I have known all my life, whom I admire and love greatly. But as relationships sometimes do, ours hit a bump with political viewpoints several years ago. Because of extenuating circumstances (we are family), I fear if we ever discussed our differences, we'd end up angry and not liking each other and I don't want that to happen. So even though I felt she was bating me by affirming her support for Barry Loudermilk-- when Loudermilk's opinion was never my point-- I've been trying like the dickens to not take the bate.

We Are Pigs

2009-02-23T18:09:00.001-08:00

Well, twenty-four hours after I decided to "Reply All" (I knew better), and response is interesting. At least two family members are very angry (and I am sorry), and one stranger (one of the "All" I replied to) liked my response and was happy I shared. Here's what I said:

So... I thought that was very interesting. I liked the fact that we Americans are compared to pigs. As anyone who has been around them knows, they are very intelligent. But I was troubled by the comparison of catching wild pigs to what is going on today in the US. Yes, some things are troubling, but frankly, none of it's new. What things always come down to for me is a desire to be personally responsible and accountable.

It may be true that a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself, but how many of us could get by without at least a little help? One example: I am blessed to have a job with good medical benefits. If I didn't, I would still be paying for a surgery I had over a year ago, so I probably wouldn't have minded some sort of government program to help me cover the costs. Not a free ride, just some help. A side note to this: as much money as pharmaceutical companies make peddling drugs to the world, I'm grateful that there are government programs to help people cover the cost of prescribed medications. Think Medicare Part D. I'll bet every one of us knows someone who relies on it.

As for agricultural subsidies and payment not to plant crops: the reason some of it started was to help keep down food costs; President Nixon initiated the first programs. A good idea at the time, but what happened was it allowed Agri-business to take control of large, family-owned farms in America and focus on planting a few money-making crops (corn and soy, specifically). These crops could be used to make inexpensive pre-packaged/prepared/fast foods (or feed the animals they originate with) and processed drinks that fuel the lifestyle we live. We are now suffering the health consequences of that poor diet. Which, coming full circle, creates the need for prescription medications that government programs help us buy. So I'd say that particular fence closed around us long before now.

Again, I'm not looking for free hand-outs, just a little help at times. For the most part, I simply want to take care of myself. However, I don't want to dis-allow people who truly need help the ability to get it. A few years ago, I argued with a friend about the fact that food stamps are accepted at New York City farmer's markets. She didn't want her tax dollars paying for high-priced, organic produce. But I've seen what's available at many supermarkets where I live in Brooklyn-- too much Top Ramen and Hi-C Fruit drink and not enough fresh food. If someone who needs government assistance to eat wants to spend their benefit on fresh items at a farmer's market, I think it should be allowed. I'd rather that, than pay for their diabetes medication later on. Of course, I'd really rather a person not need help at all to pay for their food or buy medicine; I wish everyone was capable of taking care of themselves. But we are not; we are interdependent.

And, after all, we are pigs. And the corn is just too darn tasty...

Catching Wild Pigs

2009-02-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

I was sent this e-mail a few days ago. Forwarded, to be precise. Funny, because the person who forwarded it should know I'd be a bit rankled. Perhaps that's why they sent it. Well, I decided to respond, via the big-bad Reply All. And I hope I hear back from some of them, or some of you, because I'd like to hear what's thought about this story, or my response (in my next post).

Catching Wild Pigs

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, ' Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke.

'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it, and begin to come e very day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again, and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that, and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, and you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly, the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops(CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, free medical, etc., while we continually lose
our freedoms - just a little at a time.

One should always remember 'There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably ignore it, but God help you when the gate slams shut!

'A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have.' ........ Thomas Jefferson

Shirtsleeves Don't Bother Me

2009-02-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

When George W. Bush came into the White House, a big to-do was made over the fact that he was "returning dignity to the office." Specifically, he was changing the way business would be conducted in the Oval Office itself. Casual attire, not to mention casual behavior, would not be permitted within the hallowed walls that had been the backdrop to important messages from Presidents' past, received guests from around the world, and apparently, in the years leading up to the Bush presidency, had been a bit of a romper room for Bill Clinton. George W. Bush would see to it that such nonsense never had occasion to occur again.

Thus ensued eight years of supposedly well-intended yet severely misguided leadership from within the Oval Office, where everyone was always well-dressed and lookin' good.

We are now one month in to the Presidency of Barack Obama, though he actually started the job the day after he was elected. He has continued with intense focus through the Holiday Season, the Inauguration, and the recent slog through the financial mess we are in. At some point, I suppose, he decided there was work to do and that at times the work would be tough, last long hours, get heated. He decided it would be okay to work in his shirtsleeves, and for others working with him in the Oval Office to as well. I've seen photos confirming this-- the President of the United States without a suit coat, sitting behind his desk, talking on the phone, writing, giving and taking instruction. In a few of the photos he even has his sleeves rolled up.

I'm not sure some of America can handle the concept, but let me tell you I am thrilled by a President at Work.

Warm Bodies, Warmer Hearts

2009-01-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

My husband and I just walked in the door of our apartment, returning from Washington D.C. and the Inauguration. I'm too tired from the exhilaration of this day to write much, but I do want to tell you how we survived the day and temperatures that did not rise out of the low 30's.

My husband wore: one short sleeve t-shirt, four long sleeve t-shirts, one pull-over sweater. Then: a team England blue athletic jacket, a red AC Milan athletic jacket, a black Patagonia wind breaker, an orange Helle windbreaker/hoodie, and a brown shearling coat. Two stocking caps completed his ensemble... on the top of his body. As for the bottom: two pair of thermals, Levi's, then black waterproof/windbreaker pants. Two pairs of socks and nice sneakers (not athletic shoes) on his feet. He said except for his feet, and one point after the Ceremony when we were walking into a stiff wind, he wasn't cold at all. Thank goodness, because he had on every piece of clothing he took to D.C. (except for one t-shirt and one pair of jeans, both for the purpose of staying warm throughout the day and for packing ease later).

As for my Inaugural Ensemble, on my bottom half I wore: two pair of thermals, one pair of tights, black socks, a black and white vintage skirt and tall black boots. On top I wore: two tank tops, one thermal top, one turtle neck sweater, a fleece jacket, a wool coat, a rainbow colored scarf from Ecuador, a fleece ear/head band, and a newsboy style cap. Except for my toes (while we were standing during the ceremony) and that terrible wind later, I wasn't cold either.

Oh! of course both of us wore gloves.

But I think the biggest reason we felt cozy today, despite the layers and layers of clothing we had on, is the warmth we felt from inside. Happiness, pride, humility, gratitude, peace... all created a most delicious mulled wine that pulsed in our veins. We will always be thankful we were able to witness this historic day in our Nation's Capital.

Inauguration Tidbits

2009-01-19T22:36:00.000-08:00

Here are some interesting, funny, strange, etc. things I've seen while in Washington D.C. for the Inauguration of Barack Obama:

A family of five, the youngest daughter a toddler being carried by her father in a 'child's backpack.' Sticking up from the backpack was a large photo of Barack Obama holding a sleeping baby, looking down and smiling. A caption at the bottom read "The Future is Now." A double-take proved that indeed, the baby in the photo was this same little girl, now in D.C. for the Inaugural celebration. I actually chased this family down to tell them how moved I was by the photo. They were smiling from ear to ear-- except the little girl, who, bless her heart looked very tired-- and casually replied, "Yeah, we thought it was pretty neat."

This place looks like New York City's Canal Street, where vendors hawk cheap jewlery and knock-off handbags. Only here, everything sold is Variation on a Theme by Obama. T-shirts, key chains, calendars, posters, book marks, wall hangings, stocking caps, bracelets, paintings of Obama outfitted in fatigues and a beret looking so much like Che Guavara, I'll admit, it makes me uncomfortable (there are a lot of idiots out there who will take such art the wrong way). There are images of Michelle Obama, too, on shirts and plaques and pins. Thankfully, the little girls seem to have been left off the garish souvenirs. We passed a house today with a hand-lettered sign out front stating, "Obama Signature Apparel." I noted the absence of the words "Licensed and Approved."

No one is missing. What I mean is, there is representation by members of all groups or divisions I can think of, and not just the obvious racial ones like black and white. I've seen dog owners (the dogs were with them) and people on bikes (they were actually riding). There are families as well as people by themselves (one man asked me to take his picture in front of the Capitol). When Obama was naming groups of people during his speech at the concert and said "gay and straight" I heard a bunch of people behind me yell out. They must have been straight, to show such excitement at being recognized (finally!) by an elected official. There was a morbidly obese woman in a wheelchair at the National Day of Service activity at RFK Stadium today. I've seen at least two people with eyebrow piercings, a smattering of Europeans, and a lot of people with really bad taste in clothing. But by far the most impressive group is Humanity. In all their color, size, age, socio-economic appearance... Barack Obama seems to have drawn Human Beings to his fold like no one else before him.

Sunday at the Mall

2009-01-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

No, not that mall...

My husband and I have made the trek to Washington D.C. for the Inauguration of Barack Obama. My husband grew up here; his mother and sister still live here. We had room and board and two lovely hostesses at the ready; how could we not be here for these amazing days?

So of course, yesterday afternoon found us-- with thousands of others-- on the Mall and at the Lincoln Memorial for the We Are One Inaugural Celebration Concert. Some of the greatest rock stars of our time performed, including my favorite Bruce Springsteen. But the newest American Icon-- Barack Obama-- was by far the biggest draw. The cheering, swaying, shouting crowd fell silent when he spoke at the end of the concert, lest anyone miss a word due to the slight delay caused by the speed of sound, as his voice carried down the Mall. His message has not wavered since before his election: this is not about him; it's about all of us. We make change happen and only we can carry change forth into the future. Yet he will stand firm as our leader as we rebuild our Nation; he will be an example of how to bring everyone together for the work that needs doing. Most of all, he intends to work harder than any of us on the problems we face.

What I am about to say is a complete understatement, but there is no other way to say it: How great it feels to have a leader again!

Stockholm Syndrome

2009-01-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

Since the election of Barack Obama in November and up-close during the past few weeks, we have been watching the slow, awkward exit from office by George W. Bush. As relieved as I am to see him go, I've been surprised to find myself feeling sorry for President Bush. I realize that such sympathy is a symptom of Stockholm Syndrome: a psychological response of hostages towards their captors, regardless of their treatment or the conditions of their captivity. Metaphorically, there is no better example of how I feel about the past eight years.

But in actuality, Stockholm Syndrome manifest itself in me early in 2008 as the Bush administration began what I saw as a last-ditch effort to secure a peace deal between Israel and Palestine. I remember thinking, "How sad, that after all the messes he's created, he knows if he can achieve this one thing; relative lasting peace in this hot-spot of the middle east; he will be remembered more favorably." I was slightly hopeful that Condoleeza Rice's early meetings would lead to further talks and an eventual agreement, though less for the legacy of the Bush Presidency than for the actual peace that would make a difference in the lives of the people who live there. But no progress was made; the attempt seemed abandoned. Currently, despite the 10-day cease fire just agreed upon, the area is in complete chaos. It will not provide a stage for graceful exit by this most brusque and inept of leaders.

Thus, in interviews, press conferences, and speeches to the nation George W. Bush has sought grace by taking on a gentle tone, focusing on his strength of leadership (though it came seven years ago and lasted only a few weeks or months). He has continued to avoid introspection of his erroneous decisions or admission of his mistakes. Watching him assume such postures I've felt sorry for him. Stockholm Syndrome.

And yet,

I am ebullient at the rising of our new leader; at the celebration of his inauguration taking place this weekend and coming week. I heard the musician James Taylor say he feels that the Milennium is just now beginning; I agree.

When George W. Bush rides off into the Texas sunset Tuesday evening, I've considered winding up my leg to give him the swift kick in the pants he so deserves as he leaves. But he's already taken enough of my precious energy and I no longer want to expend it in such a futile way. So instead, I'll simply lift a limp arm to wave goodbye to Bush, then turn and face the dawn of Wednesday: an era of true leadership, true accountability, and the rebirth of personal responsibility.

Let the 21st Century begin!

Baptism by Fire

2009-01-01T05:59:00.000-08:00

Snow, an inch or two, blankets the place that I live.
Tides, consistent and cool, wash onto the shore where I walk.
A new year storms in, covers the old.

My uncle, severely burned in a November accident,
Recovering miraculously well in hospital,
Tells me everything will change for him now.
Errant life path to straighten;
Recommitment to God to make;
Lover to marry.

It wasn't my time, he says.
I have so much left to do.

Having not been held to the fire myself,
What leads me forward from here?

Snow
blankets over,

Tides
Wash in.

Words Have Failed Me

2008-12-27T05:43:00.000-08:00

It's been some time since I blogged...

I've just not felt like saying anything. The Holiday season has kept me busy, true, but the silence has gone deeper. In fact, I didn't even send Christmas cards this year, let alone pen my Epic Holiday Letter (that's not an overstatement; if you've read it, you know: size-wise it is Epic). There have been things I've felt like commenting on (like the tragic death of a security guard during the day-after-Thanksgiving-shopping-frenzy; I've personally boycotted shopping on that day for more than a decade now). But I've not known what to say or how to say it, nor have I felt much like it mattered.

Words, it seems, have failed me.

But I'm about to set out on a new pursuit; one where, even if words do fail me, I'll have to keep writing. I need to push myself to write, consistently, and need to remember that writing consistently; was one of the primary reasons I started a blog.

Forward, march...

Moving Forward

2008-11-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

Post- election, I'm thinking a lot about what needs to be done to keep alive the git-r-dun spirit that Obama's campaign created. I'm thinking about what I personally can do.

I need to have conversations w/ my family who supported McCain, to be an Obama ambassador of sorts (humbly, foremost) and find out what he/we can do to gain their trust and support. I'm realizing there are a lot of people who are afraid of the future with Obama as our leader. There's that darn fear thing again; it just won't fade away.

The day after the election I heard Rush Limbaugh say, "John McCain called on us to stand united with Obama now. Well, myself and 56 million others (don't quote me on the #) DON'T WANT TO BE UNITED WITH HIM!" I'm discouraged but not surprised to hear this.

No Impact Man, a blog that talks about environmental issues and which I follow asked for reaction to the outcome of the election. It was varied, from Farmwife (whose screen name, I think, says it all) who was worried that nothing would change for her family, with Obama in the White House. I responded to her, saying, "Tell us what you need. Be concrete. What do you need from America, from Obama? How can changes help you and your family? " Sometimes I wonder if people are panicking without thinking things through, first.

Another poster on NIM, Charles, who is not from the US said he is tired of God Bless America rhetoric, which only serves to show the egocentrism of Americans. I responded to him saying, "I too, am a bit tired of God Bless America, but it's become the requisite closing to public address from our leaders here. However, please understand the burden so many Americans have felt placed upon us by the non-leadership of George W. Bush, and please understand the relief we feel at it being lifted by Obama's election. What we are doing now is trying to figure out how to transform his inspiration into action. We do not want the positive effects to end now that the election is over. We know it CANNOT."

Here in NYC, Mayor Bloomberg has just announced job cuts due to the fiscal crisis. This will lead to, among other things, reduced hours at libraries. I wrote to suggest to him that we call for and train volunteers to staff the libraries. Volunteers can't pay the light bills to keep them open, but we can provide the manpower. With winter coming on, with less money to spend on entertainment, with the less-impact lifestyle that libraries support; we NEED them now!

So I've reached out and talked to several strangers: How and when will I reach out to people in my own circle about President-elect Obama? About the politics that divide? Doing so once before landed me in a lot of trouble, so I'm hesitant to do it again. But I feel it's a chance for my own soul to grow; an opportunity waiting for me, if I'll take it.

Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

I stopped for gas on my way to work this morning and saw an older gentleman cleaning the windshield to his car while the tank filled. He wore a ball cap with an emblem and number of an Airborne Division, to which I assumed he belonged. We finished fueling about the same time, but before we each left, I walked over to him.

"I noticed your hat," I said. "And I just wanted to say thank you and wish you a Happy Veteran's Day."

He looked surprised for a moment, then smiled big and said, "Why, thank you. Thank you very much."

As I got into my car, tears blurred my vision. Korea? I wondered. World War II? Where and when had he served? It made no difference; to him, today-- and to Veteran's everywhere-- all honor is due.

What now

2008-11-11T09:54:00.000-08:00

A week after Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, and I've not been able to write, I've been so consumed with ingesting everything (that became a very strange pun, but was not meant to be...)

I've looked at a lot of photos online, of the election and post-e celebration. One in particular caught my attention: hundreds of faces turned towards a bright light, lots of arms raised triumphantly in the air, one person holding up a t-shirt that said, "Yes We Did!" I recognized it at once as a 'modern version' of an artwork I've long loved, and thought: We are LIVING in a Norman Rockwell painting.

The day after the election I wanted to know how others felt and what they thought. I substitute taught again; it felt like a Holiday, so I wore a 'party dress'. The kids were all abuzz, high-fiving each other in celebration. I had a great conversation with a student teacher who'd taken the train home and back to Pennsylvania the day of the election to vote with her family. I ran into the Vice Principal at lunch, a woman who'd given up all her weekends in September to take the bus to Philly to register voters. She threw her arms open wide and we embraced in the most heartfelt hug I've had in a long, long time. She said she was happy that she could show her joy over the election results; not everyone in the office had agreed about the Candidates. "Before, it was partisan to support Obama," she said. "Now that he's President, it's patriotic."

I especially wanted to know what my mothers thought of the results, so I called my mom and my mother-in-law and asked lots of questions. Both were thrilled, and my mom, who'd cancelled out my Dad's vote for McCain said, "I think even he's happy about it." My mother-in-law, having grown up in the segregated south, was one of the people who thought she'd never see a Black President. But she held firm that History and God were behind this election. God was there, she said, because "It was 74 degrees in Chicago yesterday. In November! In Chicago!"

My favorite response to Obama's win was what I heard a guy from the South Side of Chicago say on the radio. When asked what the election would mean to him personally, what changes it might effect, answered: "It means I'm gonna start pulling my pants up."

Vote... Celebrate... Then Commemorate (if you can!)

2008-11-07T00:53:00.000-08:00

My sister-in-law, who lives just outside D.C. and works in the city, sent a great e-mail about her experience voting on Tuesday and trying to find a newspaper the day after. I asked, and she agreed, to let me share her story with you:

On November 4, 2008, I voted at a community center. I stood outside in a long line for about 2 hours. Once I got on the inside, I was waiting for about another hour. There were groups of senior citizens who had priority in voting. There were 10 voting booths and 1 booth set a part for the seniors. What I found amazing was to see all these grey haired, cane carrying seniors pushing their way to vote. Some of them were sitting up against a wall waiting to be called up to the voting booth. I would say about ten or 12 were lined up waiting against the wall. Other seniors would come in frequently. One senior said, "Why do I have to sit here, I don't need any help, I can stand in line". There were in fact a few seniors standing in line.

There were also a lot of young people there. Many parents brought there under age children. People were cordial. There were no disruptions. Everyone was there for a common goal and that was to vote.

Today November 5, 2008 I wanted to buy some newspapers. I figure if I get out around 8:00 am, surely I could purchase a Washington Post. There would be at least one available for me right? WRONG!

The following is a schedule of events to find one WASHINGTON POST:

Location 1: Shopper's Food in Largo
The stands were empty! But there were a few papers. Yeah dated November 4, y-e-s-t-e-r-d-a-y. Following behind me were about five other people looking for today's paper. So I left.

Location 2: Shopper's Food in Capitol Heights
The same scenario, sold out, a few papers from yesterday. A few people following behind me were looking for papers. One lady and I discussed where we could find some papers. She said she could not find one anywhere. So we both decided to go to CVS which was next door. Surely no one would be in CVS this early right? WRONG.

Location3: CVS in Capitol Heights
Three other people were searching for papers. Nothing from today could be found. Oh but wait, I see a NY POST dated for today! So I grabbed it. I did not let the other lady know I found ONE. She left out the store empty handed. I purchased the NY POST for a dollar or so. There was a man in front of me who had a newspaper in a bag. Why was he acting suspicious? He acted like he didn't want me to see what newspaper he FOUND. That's o.k. I am discovering today that searching for a newspaper the day after Barack Obama was elected President was like panning for gold.....

Location 4: Shell Gas station. Shelf, Empty!

Location 5: Another CVS
This time as I entered CVS, another woman was walking around as if she too were searching for 'gold'. I did see 2 papers, one that looked like it had been died in pink and another one called the "Financial Times". So three of us were looking and discussing the lack of papers. "I can't find any papers anywhere!",one lady said. The other said she had been riding up and down the street searching and she could find none. She also said she wanted her daughter to have a piece of history. The cashier said that they were sold out at 6 o'clock this morning. 6 O'clock! I thought I was early! Well, I suggested that they try BORDER’S BOOKS which was to open at 10 am. It was around 9 am at the time.

Location 6: Border's Books
The time was around 9:50 am. There were 10 people waiting outside the door. All were black except one white man. Someone started a rumor. The rumor was, when we get inside, there would be no newspapers. Why? because someone stole them when they were dropped off by the paper boy. By the time the doors were open, there were about 10 more people who showed up. So we all rushed in! Every one looking for papers.. A guy who worked there said they didn't have any. So I started to leave. But what was everyone else doing? They were scrambling to get every book they could find on Obama! People had stacks of books they were going to buy. So I thought well, maybe I should at least buy one book. I found 2 books and some Obama Playing cards.

Location 7: Office Depot
"No sorry, we don't sell newspapers. Why don't you try Starbucks?"

Location 8: Starbucks
"Why did they tell me that? I Knew Starbucks wouldn't have anything." So I headed back home. :o)

Post Election Post

2008-11-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

...and words still fail me. I am assimilating, celebrating, reclaiming pride, and giving thanks. I'll write more in the coming days, but for now I'll simply say:
YES WE DID!!!

Election Day

2008-11-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

I rose from the bed this morning and raised both arms into the air. "Yes! It's here!" I said, as I padded down the hallway towards the kitchen, where my husband was at the table. He just shook his head at me.

I spent the morning manning phones at an Obama call center. Looking for needles in haystacks-- voters who don't know where their polling place is or need a ride there. First we called Wisconsin, where I was surprised to learn voters can register AND vote at their polling places today. Most of the people I spoke with had actually already voted-- and it was just after eight am. One woman said she and her three sons were the first in line when the polls opened. Another person I talked to-- not the person on my call list-- said "Nancy's not here. She's working the polls today." When I told her what I was doing we had a good laugh.

Later, we called Florida. My fluency in Spanish came in handy several times, when I called households where no one spoke English. One of those women cut me off as I got started with my message, responding (in Spanish), "Look, sweetie, I can't vote." I surmised she might not be a legal citizen of the US and said that I was sorry she couldn't vote today, but I hoped in the future she would be able to. She said she really hoped so too, God willing.

Another voter answered his phone, "This is David." I told him why I was calling; he laughed and said, "Well, I don't have good news for you-- I didn't vote for your man. In fact, I don't know how you would have gotten my number." I explained that we were calling from general lists and that we just wanted to make sure everyone had the ability to vote today if they wanted. He said, "You all are going to be very happy by tonight; I have no doubt Obama is going to win." I responded, "Well, whether or not he will remains to be seen, but the important thing is we are all participating in this important process." He agreed, and we wished each other well for the day.

I spoke with a girl who said, "I'm twelve years-old, so I can't vote yet, and everyone in my house is a kid except my grandma. She's gonna vote this afternoon." I replied, "Well, your turn to vote will come in a few years, but for now, please let your grandma know we are happy she's getting out to do it today. "

And then there was the woman who wanted to chat. Told me she'd voted early, and wasn't moving from in front of her TV today to watch the coverage. Had her Obama t-shirt and pin on, and a red hat and flag socks. Said she'd made sure all her friends and neighbors were registered and voting. And what was my name? Where was I calling from? Turns out she lived in Brooklyn for 36 years, just a few blocks from where I now live.

Only one call I made gave cause for concern: a woman in Miami who had been told she could not vote because she had a P.O. Box instead of physical address listed on her I.D. I was fairly certain that would not pose a problem, but I double checked with the supervisors at the call center, then assured her she would be able to vote and encouraged her to go. She said, "I'll take my voter registration card, just in case." Good idea.

I rode my bike to and from the call center, passing several polling places on the way where the line of voters stretched the length of the block and around the corner. Hundreds of people shifting in the crisp Autumn air, no one looking upset for the wait.

2nd Graders Go To The Polls

2008-11-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

I had the chance to substitute teach again, this time a lively bunch of 2nd graders in Brooklyn. They challenged me to keep them quiet and on track, but the reward (theirs and mine) at the end of the day was a mock election. Many of the kids had literally begged for the chance to weigh in on Campaign '08, and because their school is used for a large polling precinct and they won't be in class on election day, today was the day.

Before getting down to the business of voting, we discussed the candidates and a few of the issues. Should I have been stunned that the majority of these kids knew the names of the four major-party candidates, which party they represented, and what states they are from? Should I have been stunned that one girl brought up McCain's service in Vietnam and his heroism as a former POW? Should I have been stunned that one boy brought up the basic differences between democratic and republican tax doctrines? Should I have been stunned that the next hand going up was of a little girl who asked, "What are taxes?" Later, one kid said, "I know it's not very nice, but some people call Sarah Palin Caribou Barbie." The next hand up asked, "What's a caribou?"

It might be of interest to say that this class represented an extremely varied demography. I imagine their election knowledge was gleaned from conversations they'd heard their adults having, as well as questions they'd asked, unprompted. Factoring largely into their own considerations on who to vote for were the candidates' ages and perceived compassion. And especially, who they thought would get us out of the war in Iraq.

I can attest that I only conducted the discussion and answered fact-related questions. I wanted to know what the students were thinking, not push my opinions over on them (I save that for you). When we conducted the vote, all but three students went for Obama, yet John McCain officially garnered 0% of the vote. Two of the students explained that they did not want to vote; one said she couldn't decide who to vote for-- there were lots of things she liked about both candidates. DEMOCRACY IN ACTION!!! We took a moment to discuss the validity of these kids' "inaction" and I wished them a happy Election Day off from school.

I've Got A Vote

2008-11-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

I told you there would be a lot of political talk on my blog, in the run-up to the election. So don't be surprised, and please don't be offended, that I am now endorsing one of the candidates for President of the United States. I've always been something of a 'formal' girl who likes to do things 'properly,' and so to me it makes sense that I would endorse someone, just as a major newspaper or union would. Not that I think I'm as consequential as a paper or a union; I know I'm just one person with an opinion... AND A VOTE. But I prize my right to vote and I hope you do, too. I hope everyone will vote on Tuesday November 4.

I don't know when I first became aware of John McCain; being from the West, his name is simply a part of the regional wallpaper and I feel like I've always known him. In the spring of 2000, I checked out from the library his book, "Faith of My Fathers" and was permanently riveted by his story. I purchased many copies of the book-- one for myself, and others to give as Fathers' Day gifts. It is an important read for everyone, as it teaches much of character building, honor, sacrifice, and love.

In July 2000, I was sitting in LAX with my parents when my mom said, "Isn't that John McCain over there?" Indeed it was, just across from our gate, John McCain all by himself. My mom encouraged me to talk to him, "He's made such an impression on you. Go tell him!" I did. He was approachable; he firmly shook my hand. I told him how much his book had meant to me. He asked if I had it with me, though unfortunately I did not. He said he'd sign it for me if I sent it to him. I did, and to this day it is a prized possession in my home library.

Needless to say, John McCain was my Presidential Candidate in 2000. I believe our country would be in a completely different situation today had he been president for the past eight years. Unfortunately we cannot go back.

The name Barack Obama elicited a "Who?" from me at the time of the 2004 Democratic convention when he made a speech that first roused attention. But I had a feeling it wasn't the last we'd be hearing from him. Subsequently, I've read his book, "Dreams From My Father," which I found touching and inspiring. Like McCain's book, it too, teaches by example of character building, honor, sacrifice and love. I think it is interesting that both of these Presidential candidates penned books about the influence of their fathers in their lives, though the influences were completely different.

I've paid close attention to the Presidential race this year. Some days it's all my husband and I talk about, it seems. I've tried to decipher the issues in the race and separate them from the candidates' promises. I worry about promises, though I do look into proposed plans. I'll disclose that my examination of the campaigns has drawn from news sources such as NPR, CNN, and The New York Times, as well as the websites of Politifact, League of Conservation Voters, and On The Issues. I'll admit to watching a few videos on YouTube as well. Hey, I gotta break the monotony of this world-record length campaign somehow!

What I'm getting at is I've been trying to "do my homework," and I would encourage those of you who have not yet made a choice in the campaign (or even if you have) to spend time over the next few days doing yours, if for no other reason than to be informed. Little is asked of us as voters (not even to identify ourselves, in most polling places) except to be informed. As I've gone about informing myself, I've been surprised by some things, such as how much the candidates are actually alike (for example, they have nearly identical voting records on immigration; more importantly they both care enormously about this country and the well being of its citizenry-- imigrants and all). But I've also learned which candidate thinks like me, and to me that is important. That is where my vote counts to me.

So here's my stance:

Barack Obama opposed the war in Iraq from the start. John McCain supported it. I was against the war. I'm not against our troops who have fought there; I honor them for their work and sacrifice. But I was against going in the first place. We were lied to about WMD's, and the only American "freedom" that is on the line in Iraq is the free-flow of oil from the Middle East. On October 29 Exxon reported 3rd quarter profits up 58% from last year; in fact, they actually benefitted from Hurricanes Gustav and Ike. Enough! Let's get our own supply. Better yet, let's focus on alternatives. And since that's going to take a while, let's all try to use less in the meantime. Okay, I'm coming down off that soap box. Next...

Barack Obama voted to preserve habeas corpus for prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. John McCain voted against it. I don't think anyone should be unlawfully detained. The radio program "This American Life" reported in it's Peabody Award winning episode "Habeas Schmabeas" that most of the prisoners at Guantanamo are not even terrorists. Yet the US keeps them there. WHY?!?

Barack Obama has a rating of 100% by AU (Americans United for Separation of Church and State). John McCain's rating is 33%. I think Church and State should be completely separate, as intended by our founding fathers.

Barack Obama's voting record demonstrates support of higher taxes for citizens with higher income. John McCain's record shows support of less taxes for citizens who make the most money. I think those who earn the most should not be privilege to tax exemptions or cuts, or unfair brackets. The current economic crisis shows that the wealthy can be greedy and don't always allow money to "trickle down" to the rest of us. It's time they pay their share in taxes.

Barack Obama has an 86% rating on global warming policies, according to the League of Conservation Voters. John McCain has a 24% rating. I think must realize that poor environmental practices and policies of the past 100 years are harming our planet in many ways, and we need to start doing something about it. October 30th's post, as well as the archives of the No Impact Man blog-- one I've long followed-- are great resources on how.

Barack Obama wants to ban semi-automatic weapons and place more restriction on possession of guns. John McCain opposes restrictions of assault weapons. I think there needs to be more restriction of gun ownership and use, because too often a gun falls into the wrong hands. Last weekend in Massachusetts, an 8 year old boy died after shooting himself in the head while trying out an Uzi at a gun exposition. A certified instructor was with the boy at the time, and his father was standing about 10 feet behind. The adults in this situation didn't use judgement to say "no" to the boy when he wanted to use the gun, and these are the types of people who usually claim to be responsible stewards of weapons. This horrific incident shows that is not always true, and that perhaps this gun shouldn't have been in "their possession" in the first place. Neither Barack Obama or John McCain would take guns away from everyone, entirely, though the fear is out there . A bit more oversight is necessary to keep us safe from our own lack of judgement.

Barack Obama supports Roe vs. Wade. John McCain wants to repeal Roe vs. Wade. I am pro-choice; I am not pro-abortion. Both candidates have intricate views on the issue of abortion that are not contained in the statement I just made. As President, neither man alone could change the current law, but judges they appoint to the Supreme Court could effect the change. Vacancies to the court are likely to come about during the next four years, and legal battles are currently taking place that the court could look to for their decision (google 'south dakota abortion' for examples). Again, as I stated, I am not pro-abortion, but I believe there are some instances in which a person should have the right to choose what happens to the life inside them. Note I said "life inside" because I do believe it is life. But I also know that life is very complicated, and it is not always the best choice for an infant, or for it's mother. I write this as an adoptee, as someone who is eternally grateful to the woman who gave me life-- whom I do not and may never know. I don't mean to be selfish, or to value my own life over that of another infant, but I would never want to have taken the choice away from my birth mother. I trust that a mother knows best. Mine did.

There are many other issues that are important in this race, but I've chosen to focus on these few, and now my eyes are fuzzy from focusing too long on the computer screen. So let me just tell you (if you haven't guessed by now) who I support as President of the United States in the 2008 election:

Barack Obama

It's not just because of the issues I've detailed above. And it's not because I don't like or respect John McCain, even though our views differ greatly. I am sorry he didn't have the opportunity to lead us eight years ago, but I do not think he is the person who can best lead us for the next four or eight years (partly because by then he will be 80 years old, and even though his mother is now in her 90's and doing well, God forbid John McCain die and we be left with Sarah Palin as president, a person totally unprepared to lead our nation).

More than the issues at stake in this election, I am persuaded to vote for Obama because of the nation at stake. We are in a very low place right now: low economically; low in our standing in the world; low in our daily struggles to keep our homes and educate ourselves and create better lives. I believe it is Barack Obama who can best help us up from the low. And I see whole neighborhoods and families around me who are anxious for the chance to rise.

Faces are what convince me. I see the faces in the crowds Barack Obama draws-- and what crowds they are-- that are old, young, black, white, and brown. Faces of Americans; the faces of my family; the faces of the children I hope to have. If for no other reason (though there are a lot of other reasons) I will vote for Barack Obama because his face is the future I hope for. His change is the one I already believe in.

Under the Weather

2008-10-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

I've been sick during the past two weeks. A flu that went bronchial and now won't let go. I'm not one to see a doctor (let alone pop a prescription), so I've relied on OTC and natural remedies (clear herbal tea, mostly) to help get better. It's the cough that lingers, and scares people away.

So there's not been much to say or write, as I've been mostly confined to the house. But I ventured out last night, and I think the event is worthy of an entry in the blog.

I went to a 'party' hosted by a young woman in the county, where we chowed salad and pizza, chatted about current events, then casually secluded ourselves in different parts of her house to make phone calls supporting one of the Presidential candidates. I'd made calls before, but some there (about 6 or 7 people total, mostly in their 20's) hadn't, and a few chickened out. They still helped by entering into the computer the results of the calls the rest of us made. A couple of hours later, we wound down in front of the TV to munch cookies and watch a broadcast from one of the candidates for the Oval Office. And for more conversation

It was a casual event; I don't think it required tons of preparation from our hostess; most people there chipped in to clean up, so our 'footprint' in her lovely home was barely visible. I enjoyed meeting these people-- most of whom have some connection to nearby Hawthorne Valley Farm. It was stimulating to hear about their activities and interest in sustainable living and I came away very inspired. These people love where they live and are concerned about the future there, so they participate in activities meant to ensure a better life for themselves and others. But it's not contrived, it's just how they live.

I hope as my time in the area (to which I am a relative newcomer) increases, I can be part of more such activities. It does a body good, I think, as my cough is a bit better today. Less chance of scaring people away. Darn it! And tomorrow is Halloween!

A Real Good Weekend

2008-10-20T07:11:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like a real good weekend to make you feel alive and well, even in times as uncertain as these. I want to back off the politi-speak for a day and share a bit of what my life is like. I am a happy and blessed person.

The weekend started Friday after school (another day of substituting that went well) when my husband and I boarded a train at Grand Central Station to head north to our home in the Hudson Valley. We bought a lovely old house here a year ago, unable to afford a "whole house" in NYC and unable to commit to just an apartment in the city. We wanted more for our money, and Upstate New York is where we found it. Friday morning I'd put a pork roast in the crock pot and the makings of bread in the bread maker, so there was a lovely dinner waiting for us when we got home. We spent the evening watching "Fly Away Home," long one of my favorite feel-good movies, and one my husband (hereafter known as J) had resisted watching, especially when I tried to convince him that he would like it. Like it he did; enough to watch the documentary that followed-- the true story that the movie was based on. By then, it was nearly midnight; I was asleep on the couch and J cleaned up the kitchen.

Saturday we rose early and went for a walk. A beautiful autumn morning spent discovering things all around us that we never notice when we breeze by in the car. Breakfast was eggs and sausage and toast made from the remains of Friday's fresh loaf. And half-caf hazelnut coffee with lots of cream.

We each pursued creative activities for the bulk of the day; J building another compost bin in the back yard (this one for leaves that will soon be piling; last month he finished a dandy for kitchen and garden waste) and me sewing a slipcover for a love seat neighbors gave us before moving.

Sunday morning was a bit lazy, but we still walked, then I made pumpkin muffins while J made coffee and pulled up clips online from SNL the night before, with Sarah Palin as a guest on the show. We didn't like her first skit much (I thought it was uncomfortable and not funny), but we re-watched the second several times. H-I-L-arious rap, and she was wise to sit it out.

While we ate breakfast, and were a bit more reverent, we watched clips on Meet the Press of Colin Powell's appearance and endorsement of Barack Obama for President. We were heartened by his words of friendship and respect for both candidates, and impressed with his thoughtful consideration of important issues in the race. I shouted out in agreement when Mr. Powell said, in essence, "People are saying Obama isn't Christian, he's Muslim... the true American response should be 'So what if he is?' "

At the end of Powell's speech, I was crying, and J asked if I was okay. I responded, "I just want so much for our country to be better than we have been in the recent past." J agreed, and said softly, "I think we are going to be..."

Sunday was more sewing for me, more building for J, a dinner of left-over pork roast from Friday and Swiss chard from the garden (there was a freeze last night and it looks as though that will be the last of it). Early to bed for both of us, as we had to get J to the 0540 train this morning. I'm on-call this week; doesn't look likely that I'll be called; I intend to finish the slipcover and hopefully a lot more.

I'm full right now, of contentment and thankfulness for life.

Trying On An Old Profession

2008-10-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

Friday I did something I'd not done in ten years: I entered the classroom as a teacher. Full disclosure: I didn't really teach. It was my first day as a substitute, and a student teacher was there to take the reigns from the full-time teacher of these first graders. The class also had a para-professional to attend one "special needs" child specifically, and the rest of the class in general. I did little more than observe and assist when needed. Oh, and in the afternoon, I read the class a story.

In the course of the day, three children started crying (one of them cried three different times), two fell down (one off his chair, the other on the playground), one needed wiped, and several interrupted class proceedings to announce a loose tooth, a sleep-over, or a weekend trip to the country to pick pumpkins. Despite these outbursts, accidents, and unsolicited commentaries, the majority of students cheerfully and purposefully marched ahead with their tasks, participating in activities from "Morning Math" (using the calendar to practice counting by ones, twos, and fives), to art class-- where the teacher continued a unit on Matisse by having the kids make collages using textured materials and focusing on the use of negative and positive space. When I taught before, my students were secondary and post-secondary level, so first graders were quite a change from that. I confess my surprise that by the end of the day, I was so impressed by their knowledge and felt so inspired by their minds at work. I was also exhausted.

For a while now I've been fully questioning my current career path, in a job I "fell into" after years of studying and teaching and living abroad. A job I thought would satisfy my wanderlust-- and it has-- but has also unanticipatedly squelched that wanderlust, which defined my life for the better part of two decades. Hence my decision work less at that and supplement my income by subbing. Friday, for the first hour or two in the classroom I wondered, "Have I made a terrible mistake?" The question did not resolve itself that day, nor has it since.

There are a lot of things I am interested in doing besides traveling or teaching, and I'm delving a bit into a couple of those "things" right now. I've been frustrated at my slow progress in those pursuits, though I feel that my work will come to full and successful fruition in time. Perhaps I'm on the precipice of a third career/third working decade, as so often happens in modern life.

Have any of you made mid-life career changes? What brought them on? What have the results been? What would be your advice to people like me, considering making the change?

Random Notes: How Sage and Cosmos Bring Peace

2008-10-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

I am reminded today that simple things bring satisfaction, happiness, and peace in life.

It's a special occasion in our family and we are celebrating simply. We're always fiscally conservative, so the recent economic crisis isn't impacting our lifestyle. A breakfast of "favorite biscuits," and a matinee movie; maybe lunch out, but definitely dinner in, will constitute the celebration. Simple, but satisfying.

Other simple yet satisfying tokens bringing me pleasure right now: sprigs of sage and oregano from the garden now in a small jug of water on my kitchen counter. Two lavender cosmos-- also from the garden-- in a brown bottle on the table. The crisp air on my cheeks; the smiles and "good morning's" from people I passed on my walk today. The scent of squash baking for the dinner dish I'll soon be preparing, mingled with the aroma of a golden carrot cake just out of the oven. I've got to remember to buy little candles. A couple of boxes of them, or more.

I noticed a particular brightness from several women on the sidewalks of my predominantly African-American but gradually gentrifying neighborhood. I wondered how many of them watched last night's debate and were feeling a pride of sorts in Barack Obama's upright stance in front of America; how many of them are thinking, "We're almost there, baby, we're almost there."

I pulled out of my 401k contribution to the Dodge and Cox stock fund. This after reading their semi-annual report (mailed to me as a participant in the fund) stating their expansion of investment into-- get this-- AIG, Wachovia Bank, and Fannie Mae in the first quarter '08. They reported: "The fundamental challenges to these companies are significant, but the write-offs of bad loans have coincided with significant capital being raised." This statement was made several months ago; we now know how things are turning out for those companies. Dodge and Cox thought a significant raising of capital was reason enough to invest in them deeper as each teetered on the edge of failure, but the capital did them no good. Or perhaps they did no good with the capital. Maybe it helped foot the bill for a spa weekend, like the American public just footed, ultimately, for AIG, to the tune of $400,000. My 15% contribution to the Dodge and Cox fund was not at all significant, in their multi-billion dollar scheme of things , but I feel better having pulled out. I want no amount of my own hard-earned money to go to them, or to traders who support them.

Oh my, I must look to the sage and flowers to compose myself, after getting riled up again over the financial crisis. It truly is simple things that give me peace and keep me sane.

The Bailout of 2003

2008-10-02T08:33:00.001-07:00

By now you know that the Senate passed the Wall Street Bailout 74-25 (Senator Ted Kennedy, who is suffering from brain cancer was the only senator not voting). In America and around the world, many are breathing a small sigh of relief, yet still holding their breath for the House to vote on and pass the bill, possibly on Friday.

The jumpy financial markets this week made me think I would be glad to see passage of the bill, though I've had reservations about it. The plan, inherently, doesn't seem fair, as it cushions the fall of those who have been greedy, speculative, and reckless with our financial system for the past decade. Ideas are circulating about how better to spend bailout money, and who better to spend it on. I would happily accept an injection of funds into my personal and family accounts, but I guess I'll have to settle for the breakfast meat that congress is offering instead. (In addition to the wasteful spending detailed in that video, there are provisions for economic development in American Samoa, a seven-year cost recovery period for motor sports racing tracks, and tax deductions for rum producers in Puerto Rico. Ay, Dios mio).

The events of the past week take me back five years to a time when the corporation I work for was in financial straits and came to the employees asking for help with a bailout. Under enormous pressure (specifically, a time constraint) we voted on an across-the-board increase in productivity, a 15.6% pay cut, and a 33% reduction in vacation and sick time, to name just a few items in the plan. In return our leaders promised to keep the company out of bankruptcy and share rewards that would come when the company was profitable again. Not all employees agreed with the plan, and the majority of my work group voted it down. Immediately the company went into damage control overdrive, ordering us to re-vote and return a with 'yes.' We hated to do it, but felt there was no choice.

Five years on, the company has teetered in and out of profitability due to direct but complex influences from the global economy (the price of oil being foremost). The wisdom of our leaders has been brought into question, as changes in the daily operation of the company are made that are eventually answered with a 'change back.' The strategies are not always supportive of the goals at hand. The company has shrunk and grown repeatedly-- goaded by market influences-- each time causing cuts and surges in available jobs and work hours. Employees have seen a pennies-on-the dollar increase in our wages each year on the anniversary of the bailout. We have seen several $25-$75 (before tax) performance bonuses, and one $800 (before tax) bonus. In contrast, the executives have rewarded themselves each spring with multi-million dollar bonuses in stock options, which most of them cashed in immediately.

Sadly, I have as little faith in our elected leaders as I do in the executives of the corporation I work for, to responsibly execute a bailout plan. The way Washington operates-- bowing to lobbyists, motivated by greed, muddling important issues with non-essentials-- is not effective. I know there are good reasons to approve the Wall Street bailout (injecting faith into the markets is a huge one) but there are so many reasons not to-- especially the Bill as it stands, so weighted with pork-- that I hope the House will vote it down again.

I wish my work group had firmly said 'no' to our company in 2003. I think...

We Deserve It Dividend

2008-10-02T08:29:00.001-07:00

(Here is an interesting approach that was sent to me in an e-mail. PASS IT ON).

I'm against the $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor
of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend".

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 U.S. Citizens
18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and older .. So divide 200 million
adults into $85 billion that equals $425,000.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend".
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every
individual 18+ has to pay $127,500 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back
to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500 in their pocket. A husband and
wife has $595,000.

What would you do with $297,500 to $595,000 in your family?
* Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
* Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
* Put away money for college - it'll be there
* Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
* Buy a new car - create jobs.
* Invest in the market - capital drives growth.
* Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves.
* Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else.

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost
their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And
of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead
of trickling out a puny $1000("vote buy") economic incentive that is being
proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult
U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG -
* liquidate it.
* Sell off its parts.
* Let American General go back to being American General.
* Sell off the real estate.
* Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine
the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion We deserve
the "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington
DC .

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5
billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Days Off

2008-10-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Resolving the economic crisis has taken a break for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. My husband has had those two days off from work as well. I've not blogged since Friday, due to a busy weekend and start to the week. All these days off, but personally, I'm just having 'off-days.'

Have you ever had this happen? Slogged through a series of days where you don't feel yourself; where your brain isn't sharp, you're lethargic and clutzy and just want to sleep? Where you don't get jokes and can't make good conversation or quick come-backs. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I am highly frustrated because it knocks my productivity. Now, the nature of my job and lifestyle already cause my productivity to suffer; I travel for work and have 'home' in two places and I am always playing catch-up. I try to stay on top of things while I'm on the road, but I never do as much as intended. Then along come days like the past few and I think I'd be better off not getting out of bed. Laze off the haze in my head for a day, then come back to life ready to go.

I'm not talking about depression. I'm aware of the signs for it and I thankfully think I've only experienced it two or three times in life. I'm compassionate towards people who suffer from depression regularly, though sometimes I'm a bit impatient. If they'd just get out and exercise, or garden, or socialize-- a few things I do to avoid feeling down-- they'd snap out of it. Then I have one/some of these 'off-days' I learn to have more patience. I don't want to do a thing and I'm not depressed. Imagine life locked inside a body or mind or soul that perpetually was?

Like my co-worker who committed suicide this week. The nature of our careers mean we did not work together often, but I so enjoyed it when we did. He was a beautiful person; physically stunning; gorgeous smile that he shared often; great in conversation; and fun personality-- though a bit ditzy (I'll never forget the time we went to London for three days and he forgot to bring his suitcase). But something went wrong inside of him, perhaps it had been happening for a while. He was not active on the job when he died; rumor has it he'd even been homeless for a couple of months. But I didn't know any of this until he was gone, until he took the rest of his life 'off.' Now all I can do is miss him and wonder...

So in his honor today, I'm going to tackle a few things on my to-do list. Then take a walk on the beach, then read. Then go back to work. Keep moving forward when times are scary and uncertain. An ounce of 'productive prevention' is the way I look at it.

Is it 'our' mess too? / Debate and Voter Registration Deadlines

2008-09-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

As Congress continues to receive much opposition to the Bailout plan and we 'average Americans' continue to ask who is accountable and why we should be help responsible, some food for thought came in the way of Letters to the Editor in yesterday's Washington Post.

One writer reminded that much of the debt now in jeopardy is held by mutual funds that back educational and charitable institutions. The debt is also held in funds owned by "average" American investors, and funds that support the pensions of "average workers." According to this writer: "It's not just the fat cats" who would benefit from the bailout.

Another writer talked of his own passage through home ownership during the past decade, from starter condo when he was single to a first home purchased with his wife. Both times he sold the properties for at least double the purchase price, and both times the profit was tax free. Now, says this person, "Uncle Sam has come to collect." When the immediate crisis is handled he recommends that Congress address the tax codes that allowed homeowners to help create the bubble that now has burst.

But not every American bought or sold a home during the craziness of the housing bubble. And not everyone has mutual funds, or a pension wrapped up in the same. Thus resentment builds among those who say, "This is not my responsibility. I shouldn't have to pay." And within the past couple of hours our leaders have confirmed that there is no agreement on the bailout, but they'll keep working on it. I'm seeing no clear answers.

One thing is clear: A new team of leadership will inherit the mess in three short months. Tonight's debate, that thankfully will go on now that McCain has resumed his campaign, might give us a glimpse of which candidate is best prepared to slog through the muck. I encourage everyone to watch or listen to the debate.

Also, voter registration deadlines are drawing near. If you've recently moved or are not registered to vote, please do so. I'm listing the deadlines of states where I might have 'readers.' Voter registration forms are available online or at your local post office.

Voter Registration Deadlines
Arizona: October 6
California: October 20
Colorado: October 6
New Jersey: October 14
New Mexico: October 7
New York: October 10
Oregon: October 14
Utah: October 6 (mail in), October 20 (walk in)

Why all the hurry?

2008-09-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

And here Congress thought they were going to look over a few items and tidy up a few issues before breaking session to campaign for the election...

Is anyone else frightened by the pressure on leaders in Washington to approve the Wall Street bailout proposal this week? I am. I spent time this afternoon contacting my Representative and Senators to ask them to please consider the proposal carefully, to not 'rubber stamp' it because their session ends this week. Contacting your Senator or Representative is easy to do, and I would urge everyone to do it on this issue, if you haven't already,

I am particularly concerned about reports of FBI fraud investigations -- as long ago as January--that looked into the activities of many of the companies at the center of the meltdown. Taxpayers should not pay for their negligent mistakes. As much as I am informed on the crisis (which is not 100%, but it's up there), at this moment I would rather see it continue than see hasty action taken and be sorry later.

I remember well the day I stood in front of a TV monitor in the Miami airport and listened as Colin Powell told the UN assembly the specificity of WMD in Iraq and the necessity to wage war against them. For weeks I'd been viewing the UN inspectors as a parade of fools, looking for something where nothing was to be found, but doing it because of US pressure. But if Powell was saying it was so... well, I was naive enough to trust and believe. I regret that now. I think most of us do.

I don't want to regret adding $700 billion to our debt/deficit/tax bill. I don't have my share of $2,300 or $9,000 (the lower figure is for every PERSON in the US; the higher for every TAXPAYER) to spare. Can anyone justify the pressure by Paulson, Bernanke, and Bush? Bush himself didn't reassure me tonight; his tone sounded like he was reading something he barely understood (even though some news analysts gave him more credit that I, due to his MBA).

Gossip Corner: I met John McCain's son Doug today. He was chewing tobacco. On the job.

Gordon Brown's speech

2008-09-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Writing to you today from London...

Gordon Brown, British Prime Minister, job on the line... This afternoon he gave a speech at the Labour Party Conference in Manchester, England (a bit like our political party conventions, though their elections are months away). Seems Mr. Brown has not been the leader Britain thought they elected, even though he's been the kind of leader they said they wanted. One objection is that he won't pose for a photo spread in a magazine with his children. He wants to keep their lives private, and in today's speech he said, 'My children are people, not props.' Imagine.

Now, I make no claim to know much/anything about UK politics, though I do know that Britain has two major political parties-- Conservative and Labour, Brown being a member of the latter, having taken over from Tony Blair, member of the former. Seems the two parties have as much trouble agreeing and working together as our major parties; in his speech Mr. Brown chided and praised the Conservatives; he acknowledged the weaknesses as well as the achievements of Labour. Overall, most of what he had to say sounded so... familiar. If I was reading just the text of his speech, I might have wondered which of the candidates for US President had said it.

But in particular I was struck by how the turmoil in the US economy during the past year, and particularly week, has severely rattled Britain. They are not the only nation to feel the impact of our misguided system; News reports in the US say that's so, but hearing it first-hand from a world leader was shocking, sad.

Here are a few things (paraphrased) that Mr. Brown said in his speech:

Britain needs a 'New Settlement' for a new era.

Fairness must prevail.

We (here and from now on this refers to GreatBritain, or GB) must strive for FAIRNESS because it is in our DNA.

In dealing with the economic crisis there must be regulation, transparency, and limit of executive bonuses. Government must prioritize and make tough choices.

We must inspire others to reach their highest ability, take advantage of the global economy, develop the talents of all people; hard work, effort, enterprise.

Health care is not a commodity to be bought and sold, but a right to be enjoyed by all. (GB has a national health care organization-- NHS). Change is needed in the NHS, for the sake of the nation's health. Since WWII 1/3 of the Nobel Prizes awarded to Brits have been in medicine; now we must lead the world in eradicating cancer, stroke, diabetes, etc. We will invest 15 billion £ to turn the strong research we have into real treatment and cures.

As of next year, cancer patients will not have to pay for prescription medication. People over 40 will receive free universal check-ups each year.

Older people/ retirees (called 'pensioners' in GB) will have access to home health care so they can stay in their homes. (The country already provides free bus transportation for the elderly).

Free pre school is offered to all 3 & 4 year olds in GB; it will now be offered to 2 year-olds as well; backed by high-quality, affordable childcare for families.

We will work to eliminate child poverty in GB by 2020.

There will be no toleration for low standards in education; students who are struggling will have access to 'catch-up tuition.'

One million families will receive funding for online service.

(Brown acknowledged the contribution immigrants have made the GB; the reliance the country has upon them) The immigration system will use an 'Australian based point system' and other changes will be made to be fair to those who play by the rules; punish those who don't.

... there was more. Suffice it to say, Brown made a lot of promises, and as with any politician, when they do that, well... MEGO (my eyes glaze over). But Brown repeated the words/phrases 'New Settlement' (and he's not talking about territory; he's talking about ideas and action) and 'fairness' enough so that I got the picture. If I hadn't, I would have with this one phrase: The other party wants to implement a change of appearance that will give the appearance of change. He is interested in real change. Sound familiar?